Editor in Chief: Moh. Reza Huwaida Friday, March 29th, 2024

Child Upbringing and True Understanding!

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Child Upbringing and True Understanding!

As a part of increasing coordination with parents and establishing good relations with them for the sake of betterment of children, teachers once or twice visited the homes or offices of parents in a year called ‘Home Visits’. In this way, teachers learned more about the habit and abilities of the child and parents also felt confident to communicate with the teacher and school administration more openly and confidently to discuss different problems. I was on one of my visits and we were warmly received in a very beautifully decorated room. The table was full of different edibles and tea was already served. We were getting introduced to each other and also having light discussion about the child and her performance in school. The mother of the child was a doctor and she had good knowledge about the education of children and different techniques used in this regard. Her knowledge about the psychology of children really impressed me. When our smooth discussion was in progress, an old bearded man entered the room. He looked more than 60 but was still healthy and active. He wore a fine white cloth and had a charming personality. I and my colleague teacher stood up in his respect and he also welcomed us nicely. He was the grandfather of the child. Soon two more kids entered the room who were the brothers of the girl and studied in another school. Our discussion circled around different topics regarding education like book reading, generating and following a time table, health problems and other similar topics. Then the discussion started about behavioral problems of children and especially students. The grandfather was saying, ‘You see these two kids; they are very good in studies and are very obedient. They listen to you and do the way they are directed. Right from the first day of their school, I have helped them with their studies at home and they have shown marvelous performance in school. But this girl is a different case. I am a bit strict because of which they not only obey me but also listen when I teach them or ask them to complete their homework. But when I started teaching this girl, soon she started running away from me and her mother also took her side. Now, she has developed a habit of not listening to anyone and doing each and everything according to her own wishes. I believe that if her mother lets me to control her according to my method, she will not only be a good girl but her performance in studies would also improve.’ When I was about to say something, mother of the child started speaking, ‘but it is a fact that we should not be strict on children and give them freedom so that their talents and abilities should flourish. I know that by her grandfather’s method, we may make her obedient but then her confidence will be crushed and all her talents and hidden abilities will wither away which I would not like to have at any cost.’

I was silently listening to both the parties and thinking about the discussion which is getting very hot with every passing day. There are two generations that think absolutely differently in this regard. Before ten years or more, there was not present any such problem. Beating, shouting and keeping a strict control was regarded as the most important and essential element of children’s training and there was not present any two views in this regard. But with increasing knowledge and educational enlightenment, the scenario is changing. The educated and fresh minds are getting increased access to the present day thoughts and they have started thinking differently. On the other hand, it is also difficult to change those perceptions that existed for many centuries and the results are both satisfactory and worthy for them.

But the ground realities are also very harsh. Number of parents with a different perspective are increasing who believe in bringing children with complete freedom, without any kind of control on them and it is the reason that, today’s children are more difficult to be controlled and more problematic. In old times, children were expected to be comparatively quiet, well-behaving and obeying almost all the orders or directions of elders but today’s Afghan children are more resilient, ill-mannered, undisciplined and problematic. Parents are very much worried in controlling their kids and their behaviors are not acceptable for them. Teaching has become a very taunting and asking profession when government has officially banned any kind of physical punishment or shouting and the result has come in form of students who are not willing to listen and obey the teachers and with every passing day, teaching is becoming more and more difficult. This scenario has supported those who are in favor of old system and criticize the modern techniques and their followers.

Both the perspectives carry weight on their place. The modern techniques about training and bringing up children are the fruits of research and study of many decades. When children are brought up with this knowledge and understanding, they become open-minded, exhibit their natural confidence and come up with their talents and hidden abilities and it is the reason why, every developed nation has given emphasis on the education necessary to bring up children on modern lines. But it is necessary that parents and educators must be fully educated about all the different needs of children and they should treat them nicely and properly. In our case, it was not implemented in a proper manner. Parents only learned that they should give absolute freedom to the children and should meet all their demands and they did not bother to study or train themselves as how this delicate work is to be carried out. At the same time, they were not ready to come up with this responsibility. As a result, absolute and uncontrollable freedom was given to the children and we see that our children have run out of our control.

When we talk of the old methods, it has also been misunderstood. In old times, our society was based on knowledge, there used to be gatherings of poets and scholars and the elders were of extraordinary impressive characters. Having a look at these strong points, words of elders carried much weight and children obeyed them nicely. When the children were brought up in such an atmosphere when the sound character of elders intimidated all other factors, children remained under the impressive and obedient control of elders. Unfortunately, we lost our educational and cultural heritage in last few centuries and today’s elders only know to shout and order but their personal character, knowledge and level of wisdom is so poor that our young generations no more appear interested in them or whatever they say.

We are lucky that we have the past glory of knowledge, wisdom and rich literature. On the other hand, we have also access to the modern knowledge and thoughts. We cannot ignore the importance of either of them. At the same time, following any one of the paths would really be problematic. We can follow the middle path learning the modern techniques and thoughts and we can also enrich our lives and of our children by learning and adopting practically the strong character of our forefathers. This will be the most suitable and permanent solution of this erroneous problem of modern day parents and teachers.

Muhammad Rasool Shah is the permanent writer of the Daily Outlook Afghanistan. He can be reached at muhammadrasoolshah@gmail.com

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