Editor in Chief: Moh. Reza Huwaida Saturday, September 23rd, 2017

A Blessed Bound!

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A Blessed Bound!

Scene is of a big wedding hall which is full of guests. In the center lies the beautifully decorated stage where a grand but empty chair is waiting for the bridegroom. The hall is divided into two portions; one bigger portion for males and the adjoining one for the females. There are many factors that tell us about the wealth and affluence of both the sides like the grand wedding hall, number of guests exceeding thousand in number, lines of luxury cars parked in the parking lot of the hall and the expensive clothes and jewelry of the guests. A light and smooth music is caressing the ears of the attendants but all the eyes are waiting for the arrival of bride and bridegroom. After some time, all the eyes turn towards the door when the bridegroom enters in the company of his relatives and friends. He is looking very handsome and charismatic with his elegant smile and beautifully chosen dress. He is given a short visit to the different tables where he welcomes the guests and exchanges greetings. Then he is made seated in his chair on the stage. His confident smile tells us about the feelings of his inner world which is filled with joy and excitement.

On the other side, the shying bride also looks like a star from the sky and she is also giving out a beautiful smile with her eyes bent down. She is going to start a new life in such a grand and pleasing manner that has made her dream in the daytime about all the good days of future to follow.

This is a time when two people get into a blessed bound that has to keep them intact all through their lives and which is supposed to get stronger with every passing day. Such a relationship starts with all the prayers and good wishes because this is not a kind of agreement or deal that should be turned back. The success or failure of any such relationship affects the lives of many and of course the couple whose future is associated with this relationship.

This fragile relationship is to be very much taken care of because its existence and successful continuation is going to ensure a happy and blessed life for many people associated with it like the couple, their parents and other relatives.

It has been noticed that if both or either of the couples was educated and sensible, things proceed very smoothly. It is necessary that right in the beginning of this new journey, the couple should ask and enquire about each other’s likes and dislikes, habits like favorite dishes or clothes, and even the minute details like visiting outside or listening to music or watching TV loudly or not and many more. This would then close the door for many occasions when they oppose each other or get disturbed by what they do not like. How wonderful it would be if couple was given a chance to meet once before the marriage to know each other and ask about the above things so if they shared anything that cannot be tolerated at any case by anyone, the process should be halted before it begins.

Most wise are those who enter this relationship expecting the differences. Great are those who try to change themselves instead of fighting with the partner and insisting him or her to change. This is rather practical and rational strategy as one might never be able to change others but can definitely change him or herself. Usually, when you try to change others, you face a strong resistance and such strained condition ends up the serenity of the house. When you try to change yourself, you discover the new traits of your personality and rise to the new levels of self-understanding and discovery.

In our system of joint families, we face numerous problems due to the behavior and attitude of our family members. Especially, a girl who leaves her family and enters a whole new set of family members of the parents, siblings and other relatives of her husband, suffers a lot to adjust and adopt to the new environment. If she was sensible enough, she would herself try all her best to make compromises and be adjusted but if not, the responsibility lies on the shoulders of her husband to guide her in this regard. In case of any conflict between his wife and rest of the family members, he should try all his best to appear to be neutral because when he takes either of the sides, the natural equilibrium is broken and one of the sides definitely collapses. Best strategy is to convince both the parties alone and continue the efforts to resolve the issue because one can neither quit his wife nor leave the rest of his family members.

In a male dominated society like ours, rights of the women are either not considered or granted. This perception needs to be corrected that male are superior to female. No doubt, male may be dominant on female on many occasions (and it is because male have more responsibilities comparing to female) but rights of women should be very much taken care of. If one does not know about them, he needs to learn about them, both from modern and Islamic perspectives.

Usually our hardworking mothers, sisters or life partner appreciate our small acts of kindness like praise and appreciation and small presents on different occasions. Such a small but effective point should not be forgotten by any of the male members of society. This is also necessary that male should also help women in different small chores of the house and we should correct the perception that women are meant for working all the time at house.

Two important points in the end; you will get the fruits of your sincerity and have to reap the crop of your insincerity so you need to remain sincere with your life partner at all conditions. Secondly, some people think that if we get him married, he will be a better person. It may work but an innocent woman should not be made a tool in this experiment because the ratio of good results is less than the bad ones.

Muhammad Rasool Shah is a freelance Afghan columnist. He can be reached at muhammadrasoolshah@gmail.com

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