Dorothy Law Nolte was an American writer and family counselor. In 1954, she published a poem on childrearing, ‘Children Learn What They Live’ which became so famous that it was largely published and circulated and later on, it came in her book. Same poem is also given in world famous inspirational book, ‘Chicken soup for the soul’.

Having a look at its effectiveness, I felt it necessary that every parent should read and help themselves in bringing up a child who should be a responsible, effective and useful member of the society, adding more value to the life on earth and being more helpful to his or her fellow beings. The guidelines given to the parents in the poem are especially important for the Afghan parents because they are not much lucky to have easy access to the books about parenting or join seminars and lectures to learn about latest techniques to bring up their children.

Its importance increases with another fact that childrearing is mostly an ignored field when, with the exception of a small number of parents, we don’t give any importance to this critical issue and take it very lightly but it should not be forgotten that bringing up good children would be our prime achievement in future and the energy and time that we invest today on our children would best pay us in future and its benefits would definitely surpass all other investments and if this single investment was not done properly and efficiently, we may not be able to predict a bright and developed future for the coming generations. Now, we will have a look at some important messages of this poem.

‘If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn’.

This seems to be directly addressed to our society where we have developed a permanent habit of condemning others without checking our actions and attitude. At times we think that people may be doing so without any reason but now it comes out that when we live in constant criticism, we also adopt the same habit and learn to condemn others. It is worth mentioning here that this habit is very pernicious to any kind of unity and develops misunderstandings and conflicts among the people on different levels.

‘If children live with hostility, they learn to fight’.

Children learn from the parents and people in their surroundings. When they see that everyone is intolerant and short-tempered and they also become the victims of hostility, they learn how to fight with others and create chaos and despair in general. Sometimes, we say that our countrymen are very short-tempered and always ready to involve in a fight or argument, the reason responsible for this behavior of people was their exposure to hostility in almost three decades of civil war.

‘If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive’

The world ‘apprehensive’ can be defined as ‘one who soon gets afraid that something unpleasant may happen’ and we are the living definitions of this word when we fear about the situations after 2014, about the future of our country and many other unseen things. We feel worried about all these things because we have lived in constant fear and this fear is not only of life but also of shelter, food and other basic needs of life. It is the reason why, we try our best to collect more and more to overcome our fear about the uncertainty of future.

‘If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves’.

And a person, who feels sorry for himself, never becomes mature mentally and emotionally and becomes addicted to the continuous attention and approval of others and thus acts like a paralyzed person in the social setup. If we want to build up firmly the confidence of our children, we need to make them face the challenges and be brave in the practical life and always believe in their own abilities.

‘If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy’.

It is a common observation that when a child is continuously scolded and ridiculed, he completely loses his self-confidence and thus finds comfort in hiding himself from the eyes of others. He never becomes able to face others and becomes absolutely paralyzed in social interactions. This habit not only harms his social relations but also comes as a great barrier in his career achievements.

‘If children live with jealousy, they learn what envy is.’

If we are not careful enough in treating our children fairly and they start feeling jealous from others, be it in house or school, they may develop a desire of seeking the same attention with a negative approach and if this feeling kept increasing, it may result in more drastic results. In some cases, a person may be so much filled with the anger and revenge that he may enter the world of crimes.

‘If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.’

When a child does anything wrong and he is made ashamed of it, he may develop the habit of feeling guilty unnecessarily and would ruin the inner world of his mind and body. It is the reason why it is said that ‘if our child commits a mistake, hate the mistake but not the child and if you forgive it, it is far better’.

Till here, whatever we discussed were negative aspects that parents must avoid. Then, the writer comes to the positive aspects about parenting and in fact, these are guidelines and solutions for all the problems that parents may confront while rearing a child.

‘If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient’.

This beautiful lesson is simple, saying that if we behaved with tolerance towards our children, they would also learn to be patient and show tolerance to us and others.

‘If they live with encouragement, they learn to be confident’.

When children and especially students are encouraged for their good works, their level of courage is increased to an extent that they bring out their natural confidence found in their personalities.

‘If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate’.

We consider it very important that we should praise the good works of each other and when we do so, we actually give a lesson to the next person to do the same and in this way, a healthy habit of appreciating each other is developed that brings the people closer to each other.

‘If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves’.

And it is very essential that they should like themselves as without liking themselves, they may never be able to like and show concern to others.

‘If children live with recognition, they learn to have a goal’

When good works of the children will be recognized, they will set better goals for future and for everyday of their lives. This point is especially necessary for teachers.

‘If children live with sharing, they learn to be generous’

An essential formula for the present day world when our greed and desires are surmounting, creating numerous problems for each other.

And in the end, some points are given together as,

‘If children live with honesty and fairness, they learn what truth and justice are.’

‘If children live with security, they learn to have faith on themselves and in those around them’.

‘If children live with friendliness, they learn that world is a nice place to live in’

‘If children live with serenity, they learn to have peace of mind’

In the end, this question is asked, ‘With what are your children living?’