A few days before, I was in a public taxi with four more passengers. On the way, passengers kept stepping down the taxi and in the end; only one passenger was left with me. Then he also stepped down the taxi. The fare on this route is 20 Afghanis and it is well understood for all; neither the passengers can give less nor the taxi driver can demand for more. As taxi cannot stop for long on the road so usually passengers take the money out of their pockets and keep it ready in their fist and hand it over immediately to the driver after they step down the vehicle. Anyhow, this passenger had also grabbed his money in his hand and as he stepped down, he held the money to the driver and said with a strange silly smile, ‘Ustad, I don’t have the change now. Please accept these ten rupees, hahaha!’ With this, he gave the money to the driver and walked away. Driver was looking both angry and disappointed. Now, it was his turn to talk, ‘Look at this man now, he travelled for such a long way and now he is handing me over ten rupees only. If he did not have the money, he could have told me right in the beginning’. The anger of driver was very much justified. He had worked the whole day and looked tired. In this time, it was his desire to collect as much money as possible and go home.
No need to mention that we come along a number of such occasions when we try our best to pay less for something and in this way, intentionally or unintentionally, snatch the rights of others. When the schools open and people rush to the shops for books and uniform, we can observe such situations all the time. Parents buy books, uniform and other things for their children and in the end, when the shopkeeper tells the bill, they try their best to pay less. But doing so is also not easy. People know so many tricks and use specific sentences for the purpose, like, ‘Oh dear! We always buy things from your shop and you are not doing any favor with us, this is not fair and you are not taking care of your loyal customers. Ok, accept this money this time and next time, I will pay whatever you said’ or ‘take this money now and tomorrow I will bring so many other children from my family and they will also buy lot many things from your shop’. But shopkeeper knows that all these are lies but he cannot say this on their face so he keeps insisting on his money. Anyhow, parents throw the money on the shelf of the shop and quickly hurry out of it. And most unfortunately, all these are done in front of children who also learn betraying, telling lies and eating the money of others from their parents and most definitely, get a green signal to do so in future.
On such occasions, I have seen such rich, honorable and respectable members of society smiling in the most silly and stupid manner to save some money. A person on such an occasion not only smiles unnecessarily but also tells so many lies, shakes hands unnecessarily or does other stupid actions. According to psychology, such a person is under the immense pressure of his conscience because his greed is forcing him to do a work which is not liked by his conscience and he tries to conceal his inner dissatisfaction by similar acts. Any such act of appearing good and acceptable for others externally is an indicator that person feels bad from inside and in order to compensate for this guilty feeling, a person tries to appear good from outside.
Such a habit not only deprives the person of self-respect and dignity but also results in numerous other defects in his or her personality. Such a person would never learn the taste of giving to others and would always be looking to ask for petty things from others. Such a person would never be able to take any bold decision and he would always be looking at others’ approval or consent for all his decisions. Such a person would be very coward and not worthy of making any kind of trust on him. Such a person would never be able to confidently play any role in any social setup and would always be following the others or he would not be taken as good enough to be given importance.
One of my teachers used to say, ‘You notice some people who buy something like fresh or dry fruits from a shop or a roadside vendor and when the seller is busy in measuring the fruit, they also keep eating from the lot of fruit that doesn’t belong to them like almonds, nuts, cherries, bananas or others and in fact, they do so without the permission and agreement of the seller. In order to justify their act, they keep smiling and do other similar things like praising the fruit or the fruit-seller. Although their act doesn’t earn them a lot but with this small habit, they draw so many negative feelings inside their mind and body and a lot many other silly acts become the permanent part of their personality.’
In a story, a grandmother is sitting in a room with two of her grandsons. One of the boys is busy in eating something while other is looking at him with a request in his eyes. The grandmother is busy in knitting a sweater but she is also aware of what is happening in the room. The boy who has something in his pocket asks the other, ‘So do you also want to eat from these?’ and the next boy, who is not ready to flatter, simply nods his head. Seeing this, the grandmother says, ‘My son, if you want to give, give him without making him bend his head in front of you and if you don’t, then simply refuse but don’t make him to stand pale and ashamed in front of you.’
It is also one of the famous sayings of the saints that if a person comes to you and asks for something, either give him sustaining all his dignity and self-pride or deny him in the most polite manner and never force him that he should stand in front of you, bending his head, and asking for something as in this way, you will harm his self-respect and the person will never be able to recover this loss.
Islam also emphasizes on self-respect and preserving your dignity but unfortunately, some radical elements have misunderstood this and they think that, it means to be hostile with others and never show any kind of flexibility in our attitudes and behaviors. Rather, it means that we should not humiliate ourselves for something and should not try to achieve something on the cost of losing our self-pride. Protecting the dignity and self-pride starts from ourselves and then we would be able to think the same for people around us.